Over the summer Braden asked if he could talk with me about something. During our talk, he gave an impressive argument as to why our family should get a dog. He mentioned that a dog could help teach responsibility, would be a friend to us when we were sad and could even help calm us down if we got mad. He talked about how he thought he could be responsible enough to take care of the dog and that it could bring our family together. I thought about what he said and told him that maybe that was something we could do but we would need to wait a while before we got one.
Ever since I gave consent, Kam and the kids have been non stop asking when we would get a dog. Each day I regretted saying yes to Braden's plea because I knew I still wasn't sure that getting a dog was something I was ready for. Kam had been looking online constantly for just the right dog and when he found one he showed me the pictures and I gave him the green light. He found an eight week old mini Labradoodle puppy. We picked him up on a Tuesday after Riley's first day of pre-school while the boys were at school. I was already feeling very anxious about our choice but seeing how happy Kam and Riley were I tried to push all those feelings away. When the boys got home from school it was so fun for us to see the surprised looks on their faces! They could not believe that this day had come. They played and cried and played with their new puppy and together we named him Scout.
Scout was a good little puppy. He loved to play and chew on things and he slept a lot too. The kids loved holding him and playing with him and even didn't mind feeding and cleaning up after him. Our first day with him was pretty good and although he did cry a bit the first night, our first night went okay with him as well. It was definitely like having a new baby at home.
The next day was pretty good too. Scout came with us to carpool and he only had one accident on the tile in the bathroom when I took a shower. By the end of the day I was pretty exhausted but the joy on my kids faces was priceless.
Our second night was better than the first. Scout slept really well and didn't cry at all. The next morning, Thursday was a bit crazier and by the time I picked Riley up from school I was a wreck. I called Kam and later my mom. I had 3 anxiety attacks in less than 3 hours and couldn't stop crying. My mom came over to help calm me and even offered to take Scout to her house but I didn't want him to go because the boys would be sad he wasn't there when they got home from school. I did my best to pull myself together but things just got worse. I tried so hard but mentally my body just shut down. My anxiety became so bad that I felt like I was having constant panic attacks. By Friday afternoon I called Kam and thankfully he was able to get off early and he talked with my mom and it was decided that she would take him until he could get the remainder of his shots and help potty train him. Scout was doing so well. He only had a couple accidents and he would either cry a bit or go to the back door when he needed to go out. He really was so smart and so good. I felt almost as I did after having Riley, when my hormones were a mess. I felt so bad that I was struggling so much but I knew I needed the help.
Scout stayed with my mom for about a week and things at our house went back to normal. We did go visit Scout frequently and my mom brought him over sometimes too. The following week, Friday, my mom brought Scout back to our house to stay for the weekend because she had planned to visit my sister and her girls and couldn't take Scout with her. Kam was on call that weekend, but I felt that with it being conference weekend and Scout doing so well with potty training and the boys being home to help that we could do it. My anxiety kicked in almost immediately but thankfully with lots of prayers we managed pretty well. By the end of the weekend I was pretty exhausted and I talked to Kam telling him that I thought we had made a mistake in getting a dog. I loved Scout but with my anxiety levels ever rising with him around and feelings of guilt for needing to put so much of my attention on him rather than my kids I just couldn't see how having a dog was the right thing for our family. Kam was really sad and talking to the kids about how hard having a dog was for me was not easy. I felt horrible for wanting to take away something they wanted so much. They understood and after much discussion we decided to find Scout a new family.
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| Scouts favorite napping spot. |
One of Kam's acquaintances at work, a surgical tech, mentioned that she was interested and we made arrangements for her and her two boys to come meet Scout. They came on a Monday night, but before their visit, Scout started throwing up and acting like he wasn't feeling well. She decided that she wanted Scout but we told her that we had already made an appointment for the next day for him to get his second set of shots and that we would go ahead and take him to the appointment and make sure that he was ok before letting her take him. As it turns out Scout was really sick. He tested positive for Parvovirus and we got some meds for him and were advised that if he started throwing up more and/or having diarrhea that we would probably have to bring him back in to be put on an IV to keep him hydrated or else he could die from the virus. We couldn't get him to eat at all and barely got him to drink anything and as the vet predicted the vomiting and diarrhea started during the night so the next morning, Wednesday, I took him in and he was put on an IV to help him get better.
Scout was at the hospital all week and we couldn't visit him because of how contagious the virus is that he had. We called for updates each day and he was doing pretty good and we were feeling pretty confident that he was going to make it. On Sunday night though, we got a call from the vet telling us that Scout had taken a turn for the worse and that he probably wasn't going to make it. We got the call while Kam and I were at a meeting and we had to go home and tell the kids the bad news. We were all so sad. We couldn't stop crying and poor Riley didn't fully understand what was wrong with her puppy. We prayed together and went to bed knowing that the next morning we would probably be going to say goodbye to Scout.
Monday morning I called to find out what we needed to do and was shocked to hear that Scout was doing so much better. He had perked up and was responding to the vet. He told us to call the next day, which we did, and were told that he was doing even better. He had even started eating but had thrown a little of it back up but if he ate again he could probably come home the next day. I called again Wednesday morning and was told that he was doing great and that yes, we could come get him and take him home! I picked him up just before picking the boys up from school and surprised them by having him in the car. They couldn't believe that their puppy was all better! It was a great little reunion!
Scout was with us for a few days and was doing so well, although we were pretty much back to square one on the potty training, but my anxiety returned. I was so happy that Scout was better, but my anxiety was practically paralyzing me. My panic attacks returned and so did the discussion of having to find Scout a new home. Kam's friend from work was still wanting him so she and her sons came to pick him up on Saturday. They boys were okay with Scout going to a new home, they were sad, but I'm sure all of the back and forth with him not really being at our house helped. Kam was really hoping that I would change my mind about keeping him, but he understood that keeping him was not good for me. Riley was the most sad. She kept saying, "Why is my puppy going? I don't want my puppy to leave me." She seems okay now. She does get to play with Ollie, my moms dog and that helps her. She also has lots of stuffed puppies to play with, and even though they are not even close to being a good substitute they seem to be enough for her.
I have learned a lot in the the last 3 weeks with our little Scout Puppy. I came to love him very much and I do miss him very much too. I learned that God knows what we can and cannot handle and that He is mindful of us in everything we do. I learned that God answers prayers and will confirm those answers for us when we are not sure if we understood or got an answer. I also learned that my kids are the most important thing to me in my life. I want nothing more in my life for my kids to be happy and I want to be part of bringing happiness to my kids' lives. I learned that my kids and husband love me for me and understand that I'm not perfect and nor do they expect me to be. During this time I have also had many wonderful opportunities to council with my husband, children (together and one on one), and as a whole family including my mom and Gary. These councils have been a great time for us to learn together, to talk to one another, and to share our testimonies with one another. Scout may not have been with us very long, but for the brief time he was in our lives our lives were made better. As a family we have grown so much and I thank Scout for giving that to us.
We will miss you Scout Puppy. We love you!
